[ee-kwuh-lib-ree-uhm, ek-wuh-]  

noun, 

1. a state of rest or balance due to the equal action of opposing forces.

2. equal balance between any powers, influences, etc.; equality of effect.

3. mental or emotional balance; equanimity: The pressures of the situation caused her to lose her equilibrium.

4. Chemistry . the condition existing when a chemical reaction and its reverse reaction proceed at equal rates.

 

It is unquestionably the case that I have always struggled with balance. I mean this in the most fundamental practical sense as well as the abstract. Seeing with only one eye casts the world in different terms for me than most people are able to perceive it.  I have had to become very good at estimating the distance between two points; and though I can render the information internally into terms that are useful to me, I cannot always communicate this reliably to others.

Happily, though I must continually consult my own inner yardstick to see if it needs to be recalibrated, running has been incredibly useful in cementing my ability to judge these things in terms that can be conveyed to others meaningfully. I can now very reliably estimate how long a mile really is; I used to be laughably bad at this. Now, by virtue of having learned to attend to what my body feels like moving through that amount of space, I am better able to track my progress, as well as make an appraisal of the necessary effort required for a return journey.

In addition to my movement lengthwise in the world, I have also been training myself to cope with kinetic movement in three dimensions. This involves perching on unstable bouncy things trying to keep my feet beneath me while swinging heavy objects and watching myself in the mirror. Forcing my body to try and maintain while I observe myself make the attempt fires neurons in my brain that have so long lain dormant. Once the woman who fell down at the slightest provocation, I am now possessed of the capacity to catch myself if I start to tip over; more shocking, even than this, I can also catch things if they are thrown at me, which is an entirely new skill at this very late stage.

So, balance is beginning to assert itself. Perhaps most surprising, this is true not only of my physical person; it is also easier to balance instinct with information, hunches against hard fact. I still tip one way or the other, but it is much easier than ever to pause, breathe, and decide to let the scales drift to parity once more.