• Lie down for bed and notice with dawning dismay the creeping numbness which heralds migraine.
• Take deep breaths and pray for sleep. Prayers graciously answered.

Perspectives can change with either glacial slowness or lightning speed. It is a constant surprise what can be revealed in the course of a day and how radically new information, new events, can cause the status quo to rumble, turn, and move in an entirely unexpected direction.
It is altogether easy to become complacent. To think all has been decided and settled when no such thing is true. The illusion of control we afford ourselves as a means of comfort is simply that; an illusion. To be reminded of this is both terrifying and liberating at once.
To accept this with grace and joy is one of the deepest lessons I aim to learn each day. I am grateful to be afforded such chances I have to be moved to such extent and brought to conscious awareness of such truth. It is often a gift to be wrong; to be offered a chance to see anew the light in each moment, cast from a different angle.

I sensed this dimming, even before I read the interpretation. I have always been strongly affected by the influences wrought upon me by my sex, and as the moon waxes full, it is always more difficult to feel the calm and equilibrium I do my best to maintain. I know that as sure as I must draw breath to go on living, that sometimes the light must fade, that to witness its retreat will make me all the more grateful for the return of dawn, but I am still reluctant to see it go.

But by no means do I expect this to last, as change is spelled out in every line of the hexagram cast. Indeed we move to 18 ~ Decay; To Work On What Has Been Spoiled this hexagram has a strong association with the number 6 (which is about how long it tends to take me to feel myself again) and the wisdom of this time is to tend to what must be cleared away that other things might thrive.

Interestingly, both of these messages are a part of Owl medicine, which I carry around with me everyday; it seems rather often I need it.

From www.birdclan.org/owl.html

Owl can see in the dark, and can accurately pinpoint and identify any sound

And

From http://morningstar.netfirms.com/owltotem.html

Owl sees and knows the truth. It’s ability to navigate through the darkest night […]releasing that which has outlived its benefit and usefulness in your life

So I have known me well enough to know I would need these truths, and today, a day full of light, I am reminded of it again.

“How are you?”

In the service of politesse, of simple conversation, and usually, it is not to be expected; an answer of any great significance. But among the things my mother taught me, was to always be a truth-teller. And sometimes, the answer isn’t as simple as either of us would like. I always find it the tiniest struggle to simply say

“Oh, fine, thanks!”

unless it is strictly so.

I know the proscribed social ritual, I have learned the call and response by wrote. It is a litany we perform countless times, and I wonder at the tracks it leaves behind, in our conciousness, to attempt to use our experience of the world as social lubricant.

I Am Listening To Sad Songs

Just last weekend I agreed to let her spend the night with a friend who’s mother had already once failed to be sure the child was returned at an appropriate time. It was as much my fault as hers, but more so the child’s, so I was willing to give things another chance to go well. After letting this woman set the time and place of child return, I arrived promptly and was prepared to be polite and genial. This was until I texted the child for an ETA and received a frantic call telling me they were just setting out and it would be nearly a half an hour before arrival. Aria knows how I feel about punctuality (I see it as a failure of planning, intellect, and manners on the order of intentionally dribbling spittle into a person’s eye, to be late) and was duly upset on account of it. When they finally arrived, I was in the middle of a phone call, and delayed from the plans I had made based on the meeting time SHE had suggested, so I was in no mood to be further delayed by this woman. When they arrived and Aria said her friend’s mother wanted to meet me, I was in no mood whatever to be polite anymore. I told the child as much, and she attempted to relay this information, but instead of taking the hint, this person came over to my car and rapped on my car window to get my attention even though I was clearly  on the phone. Imagine, me thinking she didn’t have the manners to be on time…

When I rolled down the window, the mother proceeded to apologize by blaming the children for making her late. My first internal response was “Wait, I was under the impression you were the adult in this scenario, and thus, in charge of your own destiny?” Instead of saying this aloud (though I was sorely tempted) I made non-committal noises of sympathy for her bad decision making which resulted in her having possession of six adolescent children at once. She then proceeded to tell me how wonderful Aria was to have. I smiled and nodded,

“Yes, I expect her to behave when she is a guest. I’m pleased to hear she did.”

“I just don’t know how you do it!”

“Oh, I beat her. You should try it some time!”

“…hrrmeh…oh!”

This had the intended effect of communicating my scorn for her lax parenting, as well as the bonus feature of ending the conversation forthwith.

Ultimately, a more accurate way of putting it is that I will beat her, rather than that I do. It is absolutely the fact that pushed far enough, she will be faced with the physical consequence of corporal punishment for disobedience or disrespect. Aria is well aware that this is not an idle threat, and because I have always been consistent on this subject, the last time she was actually punished in this fashion, she was 8. She remembers it vividly, and is the first to admit she deserved it.*

I believe people who do not teach their children to abide by rules, respect authority, think for themselves, and be self-sufficient are failing in their most paramount duty as a parent and ultimately leaving their child ill-equipped for life.

• It is not important to give your child everything they want: it is important to teach them how to work for what they want and to cope with disappointment.
• It is not important to be your child’s friend: it is important to be a trustworthy support system and arbiter of boundaries and guidelines.
• It is not important to make everything easy for your child: it is important to help them realize how to face opposition.
• It is not important to keep your child from feeling bad: it is important to instill empathy

Many of my daughter’s cohorts have been emotionally and intellectually crippled by the way their parents have allowed them a license they are not mature enough to manage. They are unable to understand what it might be like to struggle for anything they desire, to be responsible for their behavior, to respect something other than their own wishes. Aria has more than once expressed horror at the way these children address their parents and treat them with an utter lack of regard. While I find the behavior offensive, I feel that a parent who does not insist upon respect from their child probably isn’t worthy of it.

My child is happy and well-adjusted, in spite of a greater than conventional amount of upheaval in her upbringing, mostly because despite the many changes she has faced, there has remained within our relationship a consistency with regard to boundaries and expectations. She can rely on me to be both supportive and strict, and this frees her from worry over what might happen, should she transgress. She claims to prefer it this way. It’s possible she’s suffering from Stockholm Syndrome at this point…

The vast majority of my interventions involve asking Aria to reflect on her actions, and to draw attention to how she might choose differently in the future. Sometimes it is difficult to get her to attend to how important a given subject is, and the intervention escalates. As she gets older, I resort to that kind of escalation less and less, but I believe that the judicious use of corporal punishment is an indispensable element of sound discipline. In pursuit of that most precious of all parental feelings, child obedience, use your words, by all means. Should more be required, I have a wooden spoon that doesn’t see much use anymore… **

*The offense for which she was beaten (5 hard swats on her bare rear-end) after a multitude of verbal warnings, was an epic screaming fit she threw over my unwillingness to buy her new shoes, 20 minutes before I was about to sing. At my grandmother’s funeral.

**I have never actually used an implement to strike my child, and never would. If I am going to dish out a spanking, I deserve to feel it.

Dawn, all purple and golden and frosted. Being awake this early always makes me feel like own more of the day. That I am embracing a greater portion of my life. This is not to say I do not relish long mornings warm in my bed, but that I also relish not having those. I trade them for a pleasure entirely different, yet no less wondrous and sweet.