It was recently suggested on social media that someone wanted to do the following:

• Create a presentation about themselves
• Invite 100 potential suitors to a zoom call
• Share said presentation with attendees
• Conduct a quiz at the end to see who had retained the most information
• Allow winners to proceed to the next round

This idea appeals to me for SO MANY reasons. Not least my neglected inner speech team nerd.

It also appeals because of the absolutely dismal state of dating apps these days. Once upon a time, someone willing to put in the effort could curate an interesting and representative version of themselves online and search for others with the qualities they preferred.

Since the inception of swipe culture, it has gamified dating online in a way perfectly emblematic of enshitification: it is a worse experience for everyone apart from the people profiting off of it.

So though this is an extremely unlikely means of making an end run, I decided to undertake the effort nevertheless. It was an interesting exercise in consciously identifying both what I think I have to offer, and what I am looking for in a way far more comprehensive than any dating app would ever allow.

It also allowed me to articulate to myself the most important qualities necessary for a future happy partnership. Some of the conclusions did surprise me, others were as familiar as my own handwriting.

And so…

Applications will be accepted until the position is filled. Respond herein to apply.