Even if I had been born in the summer – or named… Becky – fall would still be my favorite. I like sweaters and boots and very few things in life please me as much as vivid orange and red against a blue sky with puffy little scenic clouds.
I prefer the cooler weather. I prefer the more measured pace of life. I FAR prefer the sun coming up at a reasonable hour once DST is banished once more. I find a simple stroll through a leafy trail much more satisfying. I have a theory that part of the reason we like dappled light so much is because it closely mimics the way we perceived light in the womb.
It is also a time when shadow work feels more straightforward. Not easier per se, just… simpler. Somehow sitting in the full light of a sweltering bright day asking my tarot cards what part of me needs healing feels asynchronous, at best. There is something about the turn of the season where the veil is thinning that feels most appropriate to try and see through the dimness – both literal and figurative.
Treehouse Tarot
This year the Samhain season takes on more meaning. Until this summer, I have never lost someone to death that I cared deeply about. While I don’t want to contact my mother (she would only be vexed I was trying to reach her) I do find great meaning in dwelling on her memory; In imagining my own future as I age and eventually pass. She was only 20 years older than I am and given how quickly the last 20 years have sped by, I am conscious, perhaps for the first time, of how little time that really is.
So I understand in a new and particular way that I will only see so many more of these seasons, and it is my task to embrace each moment of delight I encounter.
Posted by autumnrouse under Musings Comments Off on pen·chant
: a strong and continued inclination
It has recently been suggested I might have some degree of neurodivergence. Once introduced to my notice, it seemed pretty obvious this was the case. When I look around at the friends and partners I have chosen over the years, almost everyone has some version of neurospice going on.
I found this acknowledgement to provide a certain organizing principle to patterns I hadn’t explicitly brought attention to in the past. I don’t attach any pathology to neurodivergence in itself, so my reaction has been mostly one of epiphany. While it’s undeniable that particular challenges come along with certain aspects, it also often comes with tremendous gifts. I feel that on balance, I have experienced more benefits than deficits for my part.
All that said, I still have – as Linda Holmes so aptly puts it – my “little weirdsies” One of which remains my relationship to food. It has always been at least a little bit combative, though I have made tremendous strides as far as being open to new things. Because of this, I tend to eat at the same places over and over and over.
I like to know what to expect. If I am confronted with something I dislike, I would rather not eat at all. So, even though there are more exceptional dining establishments in Portland than you can shake a double-decker fixie at, my repertoire of places I regularly eat is quite limited.
Add to this the complication that several of these (R.I.P. Muu-Muu’s) have closed in somewhat recent memory, and the list of places I know I like to eat has become short indeed. And a girl could go broke trying to eat at Noble Rot and St. Jack all the time. So, I have been trying to look beyond my go-to’s and find new places to try.
Enter, The Uncanny.
Vibes could NOT be better. Very Neon Glamour Goth. Cocktail menu is quite robust and interesting. I have enjoyed every drink I have ever had there. The corn riblets were also exceptional. While I am not the target market for the rest of the menu – everything is vegan, which I appreciate for people who are looking for that – I would have no problem recommending the place or returning on my own account.
So, here I am, expanding my horizons one glamour goth cocktail joint at a time.
Posted by autumnrouse under Movie Review Comments Off on TRON: Ares
So, I feel like I may be in the minority here, but I actually enjoyed this movie a lot.
Was it the most touching human story, filled with epiphany and angst? No. Was it a rollicking visual feast with a rad soundtrack? Yes it totally was.
I am not a devotee to the Tron franchise writ large. I didn’t see the original as a child and actively disliked the Legacy sequel. However, friends of mine who are fans invited me to join them and I figured if I kept my expectations low, what did I have to lose?
I am aligned with those who have expressed a degree of confusion over the casting of Ares. I suppose I would expect a programmer as young as our villain to create an avatar for Master Control blessed with the vigor of youth.
I saw the film in IMAX and it was impossible not to notice the… vintage of Jared Leto in and around the face. His acting was sufficient to the purpose of being a program and thus, pretty 2 dimensional. Still, apart from the wet head they gave him (why?) I was pleased enough with his efforts.
I did enjoy seeing a young POC in the role of our protagonist and was on her side immediately. The villain was suitably detestable and it was a true delight to see Gillian Anderson make an appearance.
The visuals were lush and immersive. The soundtrack immaculate. I was completely entertained. Both times.
Posted by autumnrouse under Musings Comments Off on re·sume
: to return to or begin (something) again after interruption
She resumed her work.
It has been on my mind recently, that I used to love this. And so, here I am again. After a considerable interim.
2025 has been… rough.
I had to exit a difficult relationship – twice. Then I had to exit my residence when circumstances hastened a move I thought wouldn’t be coming until Spring of 2026. And perhaps most meaningfully, my mother exited the earth.
All of these things have thrown their own light on a lot of things that were lingering in the shade; forgotten or, at the very least, neglected.
I had talked myself out of being a person with trauma. Convenient, no? At some point in a dimly remembered phase, I just decided not to be hurt anymore. It was perhaps what was best for me at the time, since I was truly struggling to survive in almost every sense of the word. But, as these things will do, they ways in which I was still wounded continued to impact me in subtle and not-so-subtle ways long after I had stopped consciously acknowledging I had done so.
In the face of all the opportunities to grow that 2025 has presented, it occurred to me it might be time to allow myself to feel how I feel. Without judgement or self-recrimination, understanding I was doing the best I could at the time I made the choices that got me to what can only be described as a state of emotional estrangement from myself.
So I have been feeling some things and it is both difficult and simple. Frightening and familiar. Challenging and comforting.
At first, this work more closely resembled picking at emotional scabs and watching in horrified fascination to see how un-healed the wound was underneath. Once I felt I had traumatized myself by doing THAT non-stop for months, I started trying to imagine how to integrate what I had discovered into a new and healthier perspective. I am still in the middle of that work, and suspect I will be for the rest of my life or as long as my courage holds.
Posted by autumnrouse under Musings Comments Off on Clackamas River: Riverside Park
Having
grown up in the Pacific Northwest, I am more accustomed to a cooler range of
temperatures. Where other people may be hothouse flowers, I am a forest fern.
Lots
of people seem to prefer the weather here under the impact of climate change.
It is undeniably the case there are fewer gray and rainy days on average than
there used to be. Personally I miss them. Not only for their favorable impact
on the flora, but the – forgive the pun –
dampening effect on migration. But, before this devolves into a diatribe
about how much I do not love what Portland has become, I will merely say that
lately, it has been hot and miserable unto the likes of Hades.
The
only upside, to my mind, is that this affords an opportunity to scamper down to
the local waterway and plash about.
Riverside park on the Clackamas is an easy option for that very thing. Enzo and Hodie came along.
A rare sighting of the Tree-Dwelling Hodie
We
found a nice shady spot close to the water, which would have been perfect,
apart from the yellowjackets. They seem to be everywhere this summer…
Enzo
isn’t too fond of water, but whenever Hodie went in, his concern for her
overrode his fear and he waded in to “save” her.
I stand on dis rock and SABE you!
We
had a nice time by the river, and on our way back to the car, we ran into our
first ever other Shiba! They played a little bit – each with the signature
Shiba vigor. It was nice to meet another Shiba owner who would understand they
like to play really rough.
Sheebs Meets!
This
was a nice relaxing week. The heat sucks the adventurelark right out of me. I
think we’ll be doing something a little further afield for next Wednesday.
Posted by autumnrouse under Musings Comments Off on Falls Creek Falls
Having switched my schedule to only work four days a week has drawbacks and advantages to be sure. While those 10 hour days can get to a girl, I love having Wednesday off. Anywhere I might go is less crowded than it would be otherwise, and the day usually remains uncluttered by chores that can’t be avoided on the weekend. For every time the car goes to the mechanic for routine maintenance, there are trips to the beach, days at the river, and hikes in the forest.
Enzo’s First Beach Trip!
Whenever I’m evaluating a hike, I do an effort-to-reward ratio analysis. How hard is it to get to the payoff compared to how good the payoff is? This calculation will decide whether I think a particular hike is worthwhile on a given day.Horsetail falls is a perfect example of a low effort/high reward hike. You literally drive right up to it. You can get a completely clear view of the falls from inside of your car. Personally, that usually feels a little too  easy, for my taste.
Conversely, Dog Mountain remains the benchmark for me with high effort/low reward for me. Admittedly the day I went had unfavorable weather, which colors my evaluation. Thinking no hike of only 3 miles could defeat me, I had no idea those miles were more or less all vertical. Then approaching the top, coming into knee deep snow and cloud cover that obscured any view whatsoever. Even when I have seen photos of the vista at the top, it was no more spectacular than lots of other spots in the gorge where the only effort required is to pull over to the side of the road. Couple that with the Black Toenail of Doom I sustained on the descent, and this one gets no love from me.
This was the view
I recently downloaded the AllTrails app and was looking for a likely jaunt. Living on the doorstep of the Gifford Pinchot National Forest means I’m spoilt for choice, but that it can be hard to narrow it down. I needed a trail that would be dog-friendly, as it would be Enzo’s first real hike, and one that wasn’t too long to expect him to keep up.
Falls Creek Falls popped up and is a perennial favorite. I’ve probably done it no less than a dozen times, but I have loved it each and every one. It has excellent effort/reward, so off we went.
I always seems to underestimate the amount of time it takes to get to the trailhead. North of Carson, the turnoff isn’t too far out of town. However, since the last mile or so of the journey is an unpaved – and DEEPLY rutted – gravel road, that last bit can be painstakingly slow.
The trail follows Falls Creek pretty closely right from the start. At no point on this hike do you lose the sound of water, which is lovely. Near the beginning of the hike, there is a small shore off trail to dip your toes, if so inclined. The footbridge is a little bouncy, so I thought Enzo might balk, but he scampered across without a pause.
Falls Creek
A gentle but steady ascent, the trail is well-maintained and compacted dirt. A second footbridge near the top is there to cross a small water flow that, at the height of summer, happened to be dry. Other times, I have seen a fairly substantial waterfall in this spot, so seasonal differences are definitely to be considered.
April 2017
Beyond the second crossing, in a few places, there has been rock fall that requires a brief scramble. These are easily navigable even to those with some mobility challenges; just take it slow.
Coming around the last corner where the falls come into view it always a delight. Walking through a shaded canopy for some time, barely able to see the sky overhead, you suddnely encounter a glorious double cascade quite unlike many others found in the area.
It is not only the size and formation of the falls, but the proximity that astonishes; close enough to feel the spray, one needs to crane the neck a bit to take in the full view.
The Eponymous Falls
Should one be so inclined, it is a steep, but fairly easy scramble to get down from the viewpoint to the shore of the basin pool. I didn’t make the effort myself, but Hodie said it was quite refreshing. Negative ions everywhere.
Enzo made it the entire 2.5 miles uphill, but was reluctant to walk on the way down. Hodie’s friendboy Nono volunteered to carry the puppy for a while. This worked out great, and when he started squirming to be let out of the backpack, we knew he was ready to walk the rest of the way down. Considering this is the same dog who will frequently just give up and lie down mid-neighborhood stroll, I was happy he was so cooperative.
Nono and Enzo
We booked it downhill since we were all starving and got back to the car in good time to make it to Backwoods Brewing for pizza. The patio was accommodating for the puppy under the table, and the pizza was top notch. As I always do, I eyeballed the “Real Women Drink Beer” t-shirt and considered it for inclusion in my closet. Didn’t pull the trigger, but maybe on the next trip to Falls Creek Falls, I’ll make it happen.
noun:Â an instance of something becoming popular, active, or important again.
Not entirely sure how important exactly… Nor due to lack of developments – meaningful and mundane – there has been a considerable gap between last post and this.Â
Indeed, one might argue the last 3 years have been downright action packed! In said time I have:
Finally been correctly diagnosed – not with Crohn’s – but with Endometriosis of the small bowel. What’s that you say? You didn’t think a condition typically associated with the uterus could OCCUR in the small bowel? You and me both. This also led to my having an Ileostomy for three months. Doo doo bags are a drag. I’ll just leave it at that.
Undergone a complete hysterectomy – who needs estrogen when all it’s gonna do is poison you anyway?
Moved away to Vancouver and discovered it is no further afield than any other suburb of Portland.Â
Discovered the joys of sales tax wherein the price isn’t really the price.
Reconnected with my best friend from my first job whom I’d lost some 18 years earlier.Â
Built a house. Well, not myself, but I was definitely in charge of picking the paint colors.
Witnessed the successful launch of my offspring into adulthood.
Gotten engaged! This list is chronological, not in order of importance, okay?
Orchestrated the transition of the employees in my job function to working remotely. This was a considerable personal triumph, and my reward is working in my jam jams.
Gotten a puppy!Â
More than 10 things have happened between now and then, but these are the highlights, anyway. A lot of these things are sagas in themselves; maybe if I run out of material, I’ll hit the bullet list…
In the meantime, I expect this to be yet another venue for puppy photos and updates.Â
Posted by autumnrouse under Medical Stuff Comments Off on Bounce
This week started out with such promise, then came the descent.
Oscar went rogue in a way that required a more-than-customary degree of medical intervention. 3 days into this hospital stay, I still have no definitive plan for the immediate future. It’s clear I’ll need surgery, but not precisely when, where, or to what extent the procedure will reach.
Double Dose of Dahlias
As ever, there are several considerations at play which impact my course of treatment; my recurring flares have not responded to the biologic intervention and are currently only quelled with steroids. This is problematic because apart from making me feel awful in a whole host of ways, steroids have a raft of nasty side effects [high blood pressure, bone loss, impaired endocrine function] rendering them untenable as a long term treatment. Moreover due to their tendency to cause excessive bleeding problems and delay healing substantially they are troublesome in terms of surgical intercession.
There’s a lot of uncertainty around how to proceed, and coupled with the fact that I Am Not A Patient Man, I also find it difficult to maintain my emotional equilibrium in the face of ongoing ambiguity. Plus, I might have to get a doo doo bag. For THREE MONTHS.
I feel very fortunate to have a supportive group of people taking as much care of me as I will let them. I’ve had well-wishers, and foot rubbers. Clothes-bringers and entertainment providers. Flowers and conversation have arrived at beneficial intervals, and I am moved again at the generosity of my selected family and friends.
I have also had a compassionate troop of caregivers here at Providence who have only reinforced my admiration for this health system where I am fortunate enough to work; to underscore that it is well-founded and grows by degrees. Their obvious interest in my physical well-being is complemented by an equally apparent desire to comfort me emotionally. Lastly there is a manifest willingness to patiently communicate with me about my concerns and questions that lacks any hint of exasperation or condescension that stays in O(ther) (H)ospitals (S)adly (U)pheld*
I’m trying to keep busy and positive, and to rest as much as I can. I am hoping that though this week took a dive, I’ll rebound like the little rubber bouncy ball I really am inside. A swirly purple glitter one.
*That was a stretch, but I am on morphine, so it’ll have to do.
