Everything I Tell you is Hearsay

that when i get quiet it is usually because i am either really sad, or really happy. i am pleased to report, it is the latter.

many adventures are in the offing, so i expect to have lots of pithy, amusing, and otherwise wonderful things to say soon.

who wants to hear about Utah?

New Favorite

I didn’t write this song, but I could have…

Hilariously, my favorite song is called “Favorite” and at least right this second, this one is giving it a run for my money..

every tattoo i have is both for someone i love and a lesson i’ve carved into my skin.

appropriately, this one hurt much more than any other, as i love the person i had in mind much more than any other. also, the lesson is harder to remember. so.

tight jeans. exposed navel. giant… ego. yeah. i think i got it.

I promise…

Watch

i like jerks.

i do. i always have. it might be in part because i kinda am one. at least, i’m not “nice” in any conventional sense of the word. i mean, i wont usually go out of my way to be mean for no reason, but neither will i make much of an effort to be friendly or anything.

anyway, most of the guys i find myself attracted to are jerks. they’re self-centered pricks who think the world of themselves, and not much of me. it’s sort of a classic insecure girl thing. i have an excellent track record. it’s not perfect, but it’s damn close.

this has been true not only in my real life, but in my fantasy life of TV dating. much to the dismay of everyone who lives in my house, my favorite example of made-up manhood used to be Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl. he’s conceited, vain, ego-centric, and beautifully dressed. yum!

nice scarf dude!

however. he has yet to master all the skills and talents concomitant to his type. sure, he’s greedy and capricious, reprobate and occasionally vicious, but truthfully, chuck is also just a boy. he often lacks the courage of his cruelty. he hasn’t grown into an unshakable sense of himself yet and thus does not always act the consummate asshole. no, indeed we can frequently see glimpses of his vulnerabililty and lack of self-confidence. it’s something that may come with age, but for now i can say, i have found it somewhere else.

meet Ari Gold: Dickhead Exrtaordinare

come on baby, yell at me some more...

i spent all weekend watching 6 seasons of Entourage. so i’ve had some time to think about what it is that makes this character, to my mind, the archetype of the perfect man.*

He is a Chauvinist:

i mean this in the literal definitive sense:

–noun

this man always thinks he is right. and that is hot. he will pursue his conviction til and past the bitter end. he will run, jump, scream, wheedle, or pay to make his point and achieve his end. in a world where situational ethics are the rule, this man has a profound and durable sense of right and wrong. it may not align perfectly with the larger social paradigm but it is consistent to itself and he is unfailingly committed to it.

He Demands Obedience But Is Willing To Pay For The Privilege

this man dominates whatever situation he comes into. with the strength of his personality he achieves his ends by browbeating most of the people in his vicinity into submission. but though he can be demanding to the point of oppression, he also provides everything, unto excess, that these people could possibly want. his family, protege, and clients all benefit from his inexorable determination to do his best for them.

He is Not A Man You Want To Fuck With

he feels betrayal powerfully, and becomes vindictive when he is crossed, and due to his steadfast sense of right and wrong, you do not want to be the one to do it.

my very favorite scene** in the entire series comes when Ari is feuding with some upstart dickbag agent who thinks he can behave like a genuine rival for Ari’s position. they race in their fancy little cars, they exchange human feces, and then finally the gloves (and all else besides) come off; the dickbag posts nude photos of Ari’s wife (taken before she was Ari’s wife) and that is when the shit goes down.

Ari races across to the agency where dickbag works and proceeds to call him out of his office to demand an apology. when dickbag hesitates Ari SLAPS HIM LIKE THE BITCH HE IS and threatens to beat the living crap out of him if he fails to say he is sorry. because sending naked pictures of some bitch you both screwed is one thing, but this is his wife and the mother of his children and that is a line you simply do. not. cross. fuck. no.

He Is A Fucking Pig Who Takes His Vows Seriously

he eyes women up and down, CONSPICUOUSLY, pretty much non-stop. he’s a sexist who objectifies women and makes wildly inappropriate comments to and about them on a regular basis and yet, he would never cheat on his wife, and views infidelity with contempt. he is profoundly committed to his family and to his wife, and is at heart, an honorable man. even if you’d never guess it from the way he talks.

He Buys Expensive Presents When He Has Fucked Up

this may not, in itself, be admirable as a human trait, but i personally, am a fan of this behavior. my forgiveness can usually be bought.

He understands And Cares About Appearances And Labels

he is keenly sensitive to the value of image and does his best to present an image of power, authority, control, and dignity. plus also, he is a seriously sharp dressed man.

i realize these traits do not make everyone giddy, but they definitely do it for me. i am not unaware that he is also a bigot, workaholic, and general bully, but these things do not make him less appealing for all of that. i find it sort of interesting to realize this about myself, but i think it’s probably useful information going forward.

and hodie will be so relieved. she hated chuck.

**i literally squeal and bounce up and down every time i watch this scene.

i had an idea. it came to me in three parts; as follows…

part the first: i have often mentioned before how much i love explodigdog

Sam, the illustrator, works with the following model; he uses the ideas that are running around in his head, but also solicits titles from his fans and then makes pictures to match the titles. i have always found this very charming. once, i even had one of my titles turned into a picture. this was gratifying almost beyond expression.

part the second: today, while looking at my facebook feed, my friend Sara posted a note that the first 5 people who responded could expect an offering made by her.

part the third: within the last 24 hours my good friend Lyza re-launched her website with an incredibly gorgeous and content-dense makeover that makes me feel simultaneously very proud to know her and incredibly sloth-like creatively.

i was touched by Sara’s idea, inspired by Lyza’s results, and sensitive to the value of external input ala Explodingdog.

sometimes i write songs. occasionally they are kinda good. usually they are really fucking sad. they are also not a little self-indulgent. so i have decided in a Sara Mahan cum Lyza Danger cum Explodingdog manner to offer/request the following:

your song here!

send me titles. and i will humbly try to turn the ones that strike me somewhere, into songs. i will do this with no less than one, but no more than three (trying to be realistic about my time constraints here) and post the results on my website by May 1st. i don’t promise they’ll be good, but i will make my very best go of it.

anyone? anyone? Bueller?

is beautiful, and smart, and engaging. so is her website

you should go look at it.

i’m trying something new lately; when i am sad, instead of lying in my bed and praying for sleep, i actually get up and go spend time with people who like me. it’s revolutionary, i know.

to that end, i went out last night with my friend emma. we had a lovely meal at Wild Abandon (which is one of my favorite restaurants, but i always forget about it) and then tried to go see Up In The Air at the fancy theater in Vantucky for which i happen to have a gift card. it hadnt really dawned on either of us that it might sell out, but, of coruse, it did. so. we scooted back to the right side of the river and had some consolation cocktails at the Virginia Cafe. were very pleastantly surprised by the bill once we’d finished; apparently happy hour lasts most of the day on saturday at the VC.

so, movie time came and we decided on The Fantastic Mr Fox, about which i knew nothing, but emma had heard good things. it was a delightful surprise and i thouroughly enjoyed it.

mounted by the venerable Wes Anderson and his usual cast of characters (plus goerge clooney and meryl streep ftw) this story adapted from a Roald Dahl book was charming and sweet and funny and visually engaging.

being a fervent fan of The Royal Tenenbaums, i have a bit of a tendency to get very excited about any new Anderson offering. as such, i’m sort of pleased i had no idea what i was in for. having had no expectations, i was simply delighted by the film without reservation.

it is very much a typical Wes Andersen offering, but in no way the less for that. definitely hodie friendly, it was enjoyable and disarming, a pleasure to watch and a genuine treat.

emma liked it too.

recommended.

and then, they say, there is nowhere to go but up.

here’s hoping.