i am in possession of an adolescent girlchild, and so is that one guy. one of these girlchildren lives on the east coast, and she when realizing that her visit here to see her father would bring her within striking distance of Forks, WA caused us to be subject to some clamor related to Twilight. then my child heard the clamor and exponentiated it. so.
the first thing i would like to say is that we knew, and WARNED THE CHILDREN, that there was not going to be a whole lot of rockin’ vampire action up yonder. that it was going to be a lot of driving to essentially see some signs. and in the grand tradition of the obsessed fan, they patently did not give a fuck. when i said:
“you realize, that pretty much, we are going to drive 5 hours to look at a sign that says ‘Welcome to Forks’ and not a whole lot else?”
they were like, bring. it. on. and that is what we did.
we drove 6 hours and all we got was this forking picture
it turned out however, that there was more to Forks than i had anticipated. namely; the most excellent chinese food i have had in many a long year. this seems odd to me. that a tiny town on the Olympic peninsula renowned for rain & vampires is going to have the best chow mien i have ever put in my mouth. happy little surprises are everywhere, no?
there were no chopsticks. i think it might violate the town charter or something
we had wavered on La Push, but we were ahead of schedule and it wasn’t as far as it looked on the map. this ended up being one of the best parts of the trip to my mind. we love the ocean, the light was golden and diffuse, and we had a very lovely time together there. right up til Cynthia and i found the singlemost offensive outhouse in the history of outhouses. seriously.
my three favorite people
and what could top this experience? what could possibly make it EVEN BETTER?? fuckin’ soft serve my bitches. we passed the quintessential purveyor of such treats on our way down into La Push. the diner had a sign out front declaring it on the treaty line, so another photo op was inevitable. might as well score some ice cream while we’re at it, right?
back on the road, we wound our way around the peninsula toward Port Angeles. it was the dimming of the day and the children got rather quiet. the road was very twisty and bordered a lake of breathtaking beauty. i was feeling incredibly happy to be on this trip with these people. i turned to gaze affectionately at one of these people and realized she was about to hurl.
Hodie gets carsick. so CLEARLY the thing to do was fill her full of chinese food & soft serve and then drive down some windy ass roads for an hour or so. this, it turns out is a great recipe for vomit! when i realized she was about to spew, i gently suggested we pull over. i did so by saying:
“pulloverpulloverpulloverpulloverpullover”
to his credit, our driver did so with complete alacrity and judicious haste. it actually worked out great cause i had really wanted to get some photos of crescent lake anyway…
me and that one guy
so scenic, it hurts my eeeeeeeeyyyyyes
so. we finish our lakeside breather and i supply Hodie with a plastic bag. i say:
“if you need to hurl, say something, but if you don’t make it, use this.”
off we go.
i keep checking on her periodically, and it seems the fresh air and moments of stillness have done the trick. i slip back into complacent enjoyment of the scenery when i smell that smell. you know the one…
we pull over again to dispose of the expulsion. Hodie is chagrined. she turns to Cynthia…
“i’m really sorry. it sucks to have to ride in the car with throwup”
“eh,” Cynthia replies “i have 5 brothers and sisters, and we can NEVER ride in the car without someone throwing up or peeing in the car.”
“yeah, but i managed both.”
pardon??
turns out, Hodie had to go. and with (perhaps because of) the giant Taco Time soda cup from earlier that day, managed to relieve herself while we were driving and then dispose of the contents WITHOUT ANYONE NOTICING. i admit. this is partially my doing. once upon a time we had an hourlong commute every weekend back and forth from her dad’s house. and when she was younger, bladder control was not so much in her repertoire. i trained her to manage the problem while on the move so as to avoid wetting herself or my upholstery. apparently, it is a lesson she has learned even better than i knew. i was deeply impressed with her stealth and there were high fives all around.
then there was camping. you know, fire, tent, the whole bit. i actually bothered to put on the rain fly and everything! and this turned out to be wise.
what WAS NOT perhaps so wise was leaving out our shoes, and cloth chairs, and (in my case) expensive vacation cigarettes. turns out, sometimes, it actually RAINS around there! in the RAINFOREST!! can you IMAGINE??
next morning, we were damp, but determined. there was a hot springs nearby and by all that is holy, we were going to be a-soakin in it! i had been trying to get up to this particular spot for a couple of years, so i was very excited to be finally realizing this ambition, despite the mewlings of my child about how much it sucked to walk in the rain.
it was 2 1/2 miles of easy strolling over a mostly paved path. there was some scrambling over a creek in a spot or two, but anyone with a 1/2 decent mountain bike could get back to the springs in about 10 minutes. as it was, we needed about 45 minutes all told to reach them.
our glorious reward for hiking in the rain.
coming back was a little tougher. we had wet feet. and wet shoes. and wet clothes. and a wet 10 year old who can lag significantly behind when it pleases her to do so. i’ve come to accept the best way to handle this is to just carry her. i hadn’t been to the gym in a few days, so i figured it was a fair way to make up for that while getting us back to the car double quick. this however, did not suffice for feats of strength… oh no, it did not.
and it isnt even Festivus!
after all of this, i couldn’t be the pony anymore. but SOMEBODY had to do it.
we finally arrived back at the parking lot; damp, hungry, smelling like devilled egss, but ultimately triumphant. Hodie remarked how great hiking was for making you appreciate the simple pleasures in life;
“i am pretty sure i have never enjoyed sitting in the car quite so much as i am enjoying sitting in the car right now. i am not getting rained on. i am not moving. my feet don’t hurt. i freaking love sitting in this car!”
profound, my child.
we are wet and crooked but happywe decided that after this, we were camping in a fucking hotel. there was a laundrymat. there was a shower. it was the height of luxury. we did also have dinner in a very nice restaurant called the Queen City Grill. we sort of stumbled across it after wandering around Belltown & Pikes Market for a while trying to find a place that a) would let kids in and b) had something my kid was willing to eat. she had a Kobe Beef Hamburger but the waiter thought she was a boy. kind of a mixed bag for Hodie.
next day was Seattle-tourist-o-rama. we went to the space needle, but i decided $50 for the pleasure of an overblown elevator ride was excessive. instead we went into the Science Fiction Museum and looked at Muppets. it was groovy, but i can’t post any of the photos i took cause apparently it would be copyright infringement. or something. the outside was the coolest part of this place anyway after that we rode the monorail, strolled through Pikes Market and then went on the underground tour. all touristed out, we hit I-5 for home.
we missed a few things. we’d meant to see Mt St Helens, but didn’t get back around to it. we also didn’t know that Kalama High School (which was very much along the way) was the building they used in the exterior shots for the Twilight movie. we discovered this when we got to poking around to see what else could be found locally to fill the Twilight shaped hole in Cynthia’s heart. since we missed the school, we stuffed something else in there.
we had a very tasty and enjoyable meal and Cynthia was able to obtain some additional gee-gaws for her friends. cause it’s not like you can find Twilight merchandise just ANYWHERE…
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