I love Christmas. I am not sure why, since I have literally had like three good ones ever, but I do; unreservedly, unabashedly, and wholeheartedly fucking love Christmas.

One would think, considering my natural cynicism and gloomery, that I would be inclined to adopt an attitude more closely echoed by the following:


But, no! While it did give me a chuckle, I find my attitude toward the holiday season to be utterly in earnest; I revel in the shiny things, I make crafts to keep and give away,** I leave candy out in bowls and boxes scattered in my wake; undermining the most devout efforts at weight control. I basically ooze Christmas. It totally gets on everything.

In this vein I went out this weekend to tame the piney beast, and cut down my own tree***

My friends Allison and Michael were also going so we decided to band together and conquer the forest en masse. We headed for Parts East and climbed Wildcat Mountain. We saw some lovely sights, as well as people tailgating their Christmas tree hunt, and located a likely spot to hunt us some tree.

The main difficulty, apart from finding a tree that wasn’t either:

a) 18ft tall

b) a bushy beautiful beast on one side and a sad dearth of foliage on the other

was getting through the “clearing” to even spot a likely candidate. Even accessing the “clearing” required elbowing through the tree break with the gusto I usually associate with navigating a crowd of hipsters on most-ironic-t-shirt-gets-half-price PBR night.

Once in the “clearing” Allison and I, both being less than 6’4″ were tree-ted to the repeated violation of our personal lady space by a range of rhododendrons, pines, and firs. Damp pants did ensue****.

Eventually, Michael, who is 6’4″ managed to spot not just one but two excellent Christmas trees. And cut them down. He beat me to it. Really.



Brought home, and lit (but not decorated further; I’m waiting for Hodie) my tree looks like this:



 I’m pretty excited about it. Once it was all set up, I was super happy to cozy up with a good book and hang out with it for the balance of my evening. I enjoy having it so much, I began to wonder why I don’t keep one year-round; apart from the obvious – The profound tree shortage in Oregon.


*Not tits the season, you pervert.

**Sorry if you have been on the receiving end of such efforts; I enjoy crafting, I am not particularly good  at it.

***Ultimately, Michael ended up doing the actually cutting part, but I set out with good intentions.

****It had recently rained. What kind of degenerate are you??