[bih-wil-der]
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1. to confuse or puzzle completely; perplex: These shifting attitudes bewilder me.
I’ve long since come to grips with the realization that I confuse people. I can be capricious, contradictory, and have a whole slough of subterranean influences at work at any given time. I do my best, when it seems important, to clarify the pertinent details to interested parties. I’ve been told I manage to articulate myself on these subjects with considerable skill. Seeing as I have identified my purpose in life as being a Courageous Truth-Teller, it’s a reasonably important skill to have.
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From time to time though, I completely defeat this purpose by not only failing to communicate meaningfully to others, but even to make things clear to myself. Â It is generally not until I catch myself behaving in ways that are not in alignment with my stated goals or implicit intentions – or worse yet counter to my aims – that I realize I have managed to bamboozle myself.Â
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And in this moment where this feels so very true, I am trying to adopt a gentle and compassionate response to my confusion. If I confuse other people, why not me?
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