I can’t say everything here is true, but enough of it is…
It beats the alternative, to be sure, but without a ready way to entertain myself, it still leaves me in the same conundrum.
I’m running, going to the gym, writing, and witchcrafting away. Even still, things feel unpleasantly stagnant. While I don’t blame ANYONE for my restlessness and I’m not in the habit of picking fights, I do recognize that I have to do something different if I want things to change.
That said, it’s a difficult balance to strike between choosing distraction to beat back boredom or staying present with the discomfort of ambiguity and stillness. All signs tell me to be patient: to resist the urge to push past the pause.
Recognizing that my discontent springs from restlessness rather than sorrow does help reframe my approach to embodying presence; with attention directed toward the impulse toward busyness rather than some unconfronted element of a larger grief. It softens the edges of sorrow into something less pressing. That in itself represents a change, so perhaps the process is already underway…
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