and yet…

i promised hodie i wouldn’t go to the gym at night, because she doesn’t want to come along, nor does she want to be alone in the house after dark. i can’t really argue with either position, and usually, by the end of the day, i am so ready to sit down and not do a damn thing, i thought i might as well shoot for a pre-work workout schedule instead.

this, however, requires me to rise at the UNGODLY hour of 5am. this is about 5 hours earilier than i would rise given my druthers. so, this has been kinda sucky. to be fair, i haven’t managed to go more than once or twice in a row because shortly after i tried it out the first time, i ended up in the hospital and wasn’t going anywhere at all for a while, let alone the gym. i’m hoping that once i get into the swing of things, i won’t find the experience so fucking utterly and totally excruciating as i am finding it today.

i mean, i’ve figured out how to overcome my initial inertia by leaving a bottle of 5 hour energy on my nightstand and having at it as soon as my alarm goes off. this allows me to feel fairly awake by the time i’ve put on my gear and made it to the front door. i also realize that, much against my custom, it behooves me to eat something before i go. i forgot this morning, which i have no doubt made things a little rougher on me overall, but as with everything else in this scenario, i’m hoping routine will make all these things a little easier to manage when i am awake at an hour only meant for people on too many drugs and tiny birds who might otherwise die of starvation if they don’t eat every 4.25 hours.

but i went. and i worked out. and now, some 8 hours later, i am le tired. and also supremely cranky. i’m really hoping this will get easier.

for now, it will be best if you back away slowly…