I decided upon and patently need this time I am taking to get to know myself. It has been far and away a positive and deeply satisfying process. I expected it to be difficult and complicated and to confront things I couldn’t anticipate. I am beginning to realize that one of those things is that I have never been more lonely in my life.
I have stopped drinking, which has been a liberating relief, instead over the last few weeks I come over all giddy simply when I am in company with others. It is as though mere human contact has become intoxicating for me. And though when I say it here it sounds sort of charming and possibly delightful, in reality I walk away from these experiences feeling foolish and like a nuisance.
So it seems I struggle again with middle ground; this isolation hasn’t been intentional, it just coincided with this moment where I am trying to rest my grasping hopes and let things come to me. While I am learning to enjoy being alone without forgetting the pleasures of people.
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