Wherein I am the master of my fate & captain of my soul
I have long had a peculiarity where, when I hear something that I understand to be deeply and profoundly true, my mind and body align completely and resonate together in recognition. I liken it to the tolling of a bell, though there’s no auditory artifact involved. Instead, it is like a vibration – a frequency that reverberates through every layer of my conscious and unconscious self.
I’ve always envied the Bene Gesserit truthsense. The ability to still the mind and capture the essential meaning of words as they are uttered; this feels akin to that, though it is only ever passively experienced in my case.
I recently encountered the phrase “emotional sovereignty” in the course of wandering around the internet like I do. The author of this formulation went on to describe it in detail that I won’t cover here, but even before reading his portrayal, the truth of the words bloomed – full-flower – in my mind.
As a result of exploring the implications of my CPTSD diagnosis in recent months, I have been learning the language of neurodivergence with greater intention. One concept that has felt particularly meaningful is that of “self regulation.” The idea that though we are creatures with innate physical and psychic responses to certain stimuli, we can in various ways, assert attention and effort toward mitigating the most serious negative outcomes of these responses.
Some of these would be familiar to most people: deep breathing, counting to ten, a meditation practice. Others might only be tools at the disposal of those for whom a journey of self-discovery and evolution had been undertaken: grounding practices, trigger awareness, or intentional conscious presence in moments of discomfort.
However many of these devices one may be aware of, their efficacy is entirely dependent on the acknowledgement of emotional sovereignty. The idea that even in the face of extremus, we are each empowered to choose our response to conditions outside our control.
While we cannot control all the conditions of our lives, we can always choose our response to those circumstances. I say this not in the flippant “every cloud has a silver lining” sense. Or to deny the reality of oppression, coercion, and abuse. I mean this to say that no matter what it happening beyond the borders of our skin, we can choose how we cultivate the landscape inside ourselves.
Many people reject this premise on its face. They deny the possibility they can assert such influence over themselves. For some, it is a lack of experience – they have never been taught the strategies that foster emotional mastery. If it is not a natural inclination, if they have never seen this behavior demonstrated, how are they to know it is possible?
Some may even understand it to be possible. May be aware of the concept, and even seen it successfully deployed in their lives by others, but refuse to engage in the work of it – for it is work – for a variety of reasons.
Patriarchy is a tremendous contributor to the rejection of emotional sovereignty. It asserts the work of maintaining peace and equanimity falls to women and children. That they should cede their boundaries, autonomy, and safety to accommodate the men around them. Responsibility for calm relies on anticipating and correctly responding to the changing tides of male feeling at all times. Failure to do so results in punishment and retribution.
However, it is not only men who abdicate their internal autonomy to others. Women too are trained to rely on affirmation and attention from others to validate their experience. To compare their sense of reality against the reflections they receive from outside sources to determine whether they are happy, fulfilled, worthy, sufficient.
It is also true that while some people may understand the concept of such authority over themselves, they reject it in favor of maintaining the ability to blame others for their lot in life. They prefer to be absolved of any responsibility for their circumstances, even if it casts them in the role of eternal victim.
We have been conditioned to believe it is what others think of us that matters most. Our parents, society, an omniscient other. This is by design. True autonomy rejects externally imposed jurisdiction in favor of an internal compass of knowing. This does not a docile populous make. This does not a striving, ever-present, and insatiable consumer base ensure.
So, individual autonomy and a concomitant emotional sovereignty is a direct threat to our capitalist patriarchal culture. The imposed virtue of “self-reliance” is there not to encourage individual strength but to undermine supportive community that allows each member of a collective to thrive as their needs are acknowledged and met. This stands in direct opposition to the goals of those who benefit from our division. Our isolation. Our dependence on the needs they have created to manipulate us.
It is then an act of insurrection to assert emotional sovereignty. To rely not on the opinions of others, or the external conditions present to determine the focus of attention and energy inside. To master the moment between action and response. To recognize the part that comes from within and how it can be directed to encounter what is without.
Long live the rebellion.
Comments are closed